Desperation fuels intimacy.



It is during crisis situations that barriers break down and we become suddenly intimate with others. Survivors of war, catastropy, 9/11 etc. have spoken of strong, intimate bonds forged in a few hours, or even minutes, that continue long after the events have ended. It’s the same with God. Why is it, as human beings, that it generally takes some desperate situation for us to find Him, really find Him? We get busy, preoccupied with life, and settle for a distant belief, or even drift away completely. They say there are no atheists during catastrophes etc. I’ve found this to be true, when we have no hope left we call on God, even non-believers, it’s built into our beings.  Miracles tend to be born of desperation, so is an intimate, personal knowledge of God. “When you search with all your heart.”

I know it was that way for me. I wasn’t brought up a Christian. I’d been through a lot of breakings before I finally exhausted all my strength. I was totally at the end of my rope when I found Him and realised He’d been close at hand, calling, protecting, all that time as I blundered through life in desperate search for truth. I was shocked, surprised, overwhelmed, when I finally realised it was Jesus I had been seeking all that time – “the truth and the life”.

I find though it is not only us former agnostics or athiests that come to touch God this way. “Believers” brought up in the church often view God as a far-off figure somewhere out in the cosmos. It doesn’t become close, and infinitely personal, till one really comes into close contact and the catalyst for this is often extremities. We are virtually forced into His presence by circumstances beyond our control.

Speaking to those from whom the spirit exudes I’ve generally found a “back story” of some kind of desperation, pain, or heartbreak. It’s not that God sends it – earth is a war zone! That’s why we need His help, but often we don’t really reach out to touch Him till some crisis strips away our own resources.

God help us to stay close, inhabit us mind, body and spirit, so we are so bonded as one we can never be separated or drift away.


In Response to Nadia’s Misdirected Email, I State Exactly What I Am Looking For


I liked this.

O at the Edges


In Response to Nadia’s Misdirected Email, I State Exactly What I Am Looking For

Balance. The ability to stand on one foot, on a tightrope, and juggle AR-15s,
ethics and dollar bills, while chanting the U.S. Constitution, in tongues.

Or good health.

Unweighted dreams.

A mechanism for disagreeing without needing to annihilate the opposition.

Doorways without doors, truth without fear.

A simple tulip.

One word to describe that instant between thought and pulled trigger,
intent and wish, the elevated pulse and sense of diminished space and time.

Sanctuary. Regret. Apology. Respect.

A tonic to the bitterness, a foil to the sweet.

Fitted sheets that fold. Uncommon sense.

Love in the abstract. More bacon. Smiles.

A closet that embraces everything you place in it. Everything.

The means of unfiring guns, of reversing wounds to undamaged flesh,
and rounds to their magazines, full and never used.

Self-organizing drawers. Due process.

Mothers who…

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The best is yet to come!



The world and creation are mapped and cataloged, pictures flash on screen at the touch of a computer key. Frustrated, the heart of man yearns for exploration, especially the young, sometimes seeking discovery in perversity and corruption, not understanding man has yet to begin to delve into the infinities of creation. We have explored one plain, a carnal one, seeing from one viewpoint only, missing the infinite complexity of the universe. Science confesses we see but the tip of the iceberg.
Death, for example, when it comes, should not be feared. It is a free ticket to another dimension, a different view, a startling realization of the infinite, free from the restriction of the physical mindset so prevalent in this modern world. Casting off its former shackles, the spirit, that curious, exploring, creative element of man’s inner being, is finally free to explore infinite horizons of time and space. Free to come unfettered to God, casting off all confines of flesh, of time, of mortality.
We don’t have to wait for death, these things are ours to explore even within this life. The door stands open. Jesus unlocked it that we might enter in and explore. To do this we must cast aside the glasses of conformity, surrender to the wind of God’s spirit, and let it awaken our senses in full, as a new bride surrenders to her lover, in trust, in expectancy of fulfillment. Then, and only then can we begin to see, to comprehend the vastness of creation. Then we would no longer fear death. The journey perhaps, but we would know the door, the portal to eternity.


When winds of change blow will we learn from the trees?


wind tree

I watch them dance in the wind. They do not endure, but embrace. Dancing in its arms, they trust it to remove only that which has become old, enfeebled. They do not ask, “from whence it comes and whither it goeth,” only joy in the fragrant pungency of its currents. They bend therefore they do not brake, their strength tensile, flexible, rooted deep.



The dice thrown down determines who shall enter on that day
Into the jaws of trial and who shall guide the way
As swords are drawn in battle and to foul purpose lent
The devil’s here incarnate the veil it has been rent.
He throws his die upon the earth upon foul purpose bent
The moments pass, his prey consumed. Can this be what was meant?

No, who shall counter in this game? Who shall stand before
The one that hell’s afflicted and guide them to the door?
Who will grasp unto the light and in its presence bare
The one entrapped, and squirming, just who will help them there?
I enter in upon the fray as in My hand I hold
A soldier armed in dread array My purpose to unfold.

He dare not lose for in his hand I placed the thread of life
Which once I gave upon the cross to free men from this strife.
His battle won, he works for Me, and he shall win this day
For though the dice is tossed full oft’ ‘tis I shall win the day!