These terms once held vastly different definitions (yes I can still remember lol!) Nowadays they seem to have merged somewhat. OK, you say, what does an aging Christian lady know of such things? Well actually, I was not always aging, or Christian. I was once a hippy type artist who fully believed (and practiced) the philosophy of “make love not war”.
To this day I see a loving, committed, responsible relationship as being as much of a “marriage” as one endued with a marriage licence in God’s eyes (sometimes more the way many modern marriages pan out). It’s not the licence, it’s the love bond. (There was no City Hall in the Garden of Eden if you get what I mean).
So what about this love and lust thing? While talking with one of my daughters I discovered we had the same perception. With some guys it just flowed and was a beautiful experience, with others even a first kiss was just plain icky, hence we’d both been selective in our love life, but unable to put a label on it.
Pondering the difference I realised it stemmed not from “style or technique” but which emotions were engaged. Lust was purely physical where as “making love” (a handy label) involved deeper and more spiritual emotions. Even if maybe not “in love”, it expressed love and along with love came, concern, responsibility, the act of love made you care more deeply about each other, made a connection on a deeper plane. This was the essence of the “love not war” philosophy – not free sex.
Watching modern media things seem to have become lost or tarnished in many ways, sex often being downgraded to a mere physical act with no commitment, tenderness, yielding of self or vulnerability. You can do it without lowering the mask. (Some seem to use this as a defence system to cover the hurt inside, but it only tends to enlarge it.) For me I’d term it lust.
Nowadays many folks tend to “fall in lust” rather than “in love”, that’s why it’s so easy to fall out again a few years later, or to “fall in lust” with someone else. I feel bad for these folks for this type of relationship cannot compare with the security of love, knowing your partner will love you even if you get fat, ugly, old, or sick because their love extends beyond the physical.
The, “I couldn’t help myself, I fell in love,” excuse often given by a partner cheating on their relationship holds no water with me. That’s not love but lust. Love is responsible, loving, not wanting anyone to get hurt. I know it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time (it happened to me), but love wants to make the other happy so always acts in a caring and responsible way.
So that’s my “rant” LOL!