Pain. (Flash fiction.)

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Looking down at the wooden handle of the kitchen knife grasped in her fingers she took a deep breath. Ridged scars adorned her arm, raised reminders of past pain, agony that wouldn’t go away, that had become so unbearable that only more pain could drive it forth. This time would be different, this time would end all…

She felt the sting, numb yet sharp. Blood welled up, overflowed, spotting the bathroom linoleum, surging, spreading in an expanding pool. Detached she watched it grow as her mind weakened. Faces invaded her vision, the ones that hurt her, that didn’t return the love she craved. Someone was pounding on the door. It didn’t matter, they’d be too late. A whirl of darkness took her, comforting soft oblivion…

Oblivion didn’t last, light appeared. No! Not this! She wanted an end. She wanted it to stop. A form appeared in the glow, a face awash with tears. A homely face, like hers, yet filled with something overflowing. She could not look away. Then she knew – He loved her, loved her without conditions, loved her just as she was, and the love washed away the pain, washed away the scars. She gazed deep into the eyes. The tears were for her. Like a tidal wave, an awe inspiring rush of wind, his love washed through her, cleansing, healing, understanding. She was swept away in its current, waking to a hospital bed.

The banging on the door… one of the other boarders must have saved her. She recalled the blood welling across the lino. It must have reached the door… She’d failed in her attempt, but it didn’t matter, the scars didn’t matter, the pain had gone. She was loved!

In the Light of Dawn

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Love this so much I’ve got to reblog it (haven’t seen this site before

CaffeinatedRamblings

sunrise in the mountains landscape

The silence beckons my jaded ears,

sounding both exotic and foreign

next to words shouting for supremacy

in the latest shuffle.

Their cries converging in singular lament.

When its ancient voice instructs me 

to stand a little closer,

whispering an old truth that directs

my sight toward dawn.

Empty words unable to see…

sunrise in the mountains landscape

My thoughts filling with first light

to reveal pride’s swollen belly,

overfed and still hungry –

eating all but itself.

It’s mouth opening to swallow me whole.

Sifting through the murky layers

to escape pride’s shadow,

I ignore its version of truth

where darkness chases the light.

Restless ghosts dancing in merriment…

sunrise in the mountains landscape

I’ve heard it all before,

mistaking folly for wisdom.

Silence shattering the last illusion,

waits for me to speak.

Where do I go from here?

My lips pressed in wonder, listening

to a language almost forgotten.

Mother Nature paused in sober reflection

as day breaks through.

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How do you multiply your happiness?

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How can you multiply your happiness? Rejoice in the happiness of others, thrill to their achievements, feel enthralled by their new relationship, watch with joy as a smile lights up their face. Why stop at only your own happiness, partake of that of others and share yours with them. Make it multiply and multiply!

Envy and self-centeredness are the enemies of joy. Cast them away in the bin, set love in your heart and share in the joy!

 

So I’m not the only one!

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(The photo is from bing images as we can’t take photos of our special sailors)

My eleven year old grandson was a little anxious at the idea of accompanying me to my volunteer sailing. He loves kayaking and water in general but wasn’t sure how he’d be around disabled folks. (He was staying with me while his parents were away.)

“I don’t know how to act, I just feel so bad for them,” he explained.

“Don’t “act”, just be yourself, they are experts at that,” I explained. “Show them respect by treating them as you would anyone else.”

He was trying extra hard to be helpful as we helped ready the boats. A normally friendly guy, he seemed a little reticent around all us busy retired folks (it being a week day the younger volunteers  were working). Then the “special” sailors began to arrive. He’d been helping fish out the weed with a long branch (it’s been a problem this year) and one of the teenage sailors seemed to think this a great task and joined him.  They seemed to quietly enjoy each other’s company sharing the task, so our smart leader decided to try him on a kata-canoe together with several other sailors and a carer.

I was drafted to the safety boat from which I noticed a lot of noise coming from the canoe, my grandson’s voice yelling above the commotion. Concerned that he might be making a nuisance of himself (he can get a bit much sometimes lol!) we drew alongside and I asked the carer  if he was getting too rambunctious, but he replied, no he was doing great at getting the others to join in.

After the session ended he came bounding up.

“I’ve never had so much fun and I just made five new friends! I see what you mean Gran , I really like these guys!” he yelled at me.

That was it for the rest of the day. He went out twice more on the canoes not only pulling his wait paddling hard in the hot sun, but getting the kids/families to join in. He was so appreciated that a family, that came for the first time that day, tried to give him a tip! Lol! (We explained that he had had as much fun as their kids and no way did they need to tip him!) but I heard them talking to each other saying they’d never expected it to be so much fun and that they’d definitely be bringing the kids again.

Home exhausted, but happy, he asked eagerly “can I come again next week?”

“You were right about them Gran,” he added, “they were more fun than my regular friends. They don’t try to act cool, they are just themselves and it’s so much fun being with them.”

The bonding surprised me and I was real proud of him. He’d seen right past their varied disabilities to recognise their true value.

Wonderful Birthday Surprise!

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I sat with my mouth open totally taken back. Before me lay two beautiful “tokens” which my mind told me did not exist. Finally my brain kicked in that my daughter had created them specially for me. You see my kids had decided to push me into starting my retirement right! (Technically I’ve been retired a while but was taking my grandson back and forth to school which drastically hindered my making trips etc.) Knowing how I’ve developed a tendency to procrastinate on things in my later years they plotted to help me along by clubbing together (and I suspect using air miles) to make possible the “vouchers” for a flight anywhere in Europe for two plus some spending money. I didn’t know whether to cry, whoop for joy, or insist it was too much, instead I sat speechless.

I’ve already invited a friend (her 60th birthday is close to my 65th) who was likewise flabbergasted and touched that my kids (most of who know her) were very enthusiastic about my choice. (She’s very practical, reliable, but still great company and lots of fun, a real sweetheart). Now it just remains to chose time and place. I’m thinking soon and Sicily where the sun lingers longer, the countryside is breathtaking, sea deep Med. blue and the pace chilled, but nothing is settled yet – exciting!