That sounds contradictory, particularly as I have a wonderful little church with brothers and sisters that love Jesus, the spirit of which has often uplifted me. Yet sometimes we just need time alone with God. Life has been busy in wonderful ways, holidays, visitors and family events. My allotment has needed extra work due to the unusually hot spring weather and I love to watch the plants flourish. Sailing has been fun, but somewhat exhausting, as several new groups of disabled children have joined us, straining our volunteer resources and frequently adding days to my weekly commitment. All these things are good, and fruitful, but take away from time alone with Jesus, still, quiet times, just resting on His breast pondering my path.
While retaining my times of morning prayer and Bible reading etc. I’ve lacked that personal intimacy of truly resting in Him, my mind half on the clock or anticipating all I need to cram in that day before my strength flags. The older I get the more I need to find my strength in Him, in my weakness comes His strength. Sometimes we get so busy serving we neglect our first love.
Picture the devoted wife who cleans the house, cooks an amazing meal, cares for the children etc. but her husband finds her asleep in the armchair when he wants to talk together. He carries her upstairs to bed because he loves her, but there is no lovemaking because she’s just so exhausted. It sounds funny but it’s so easy to be this way with the Lord.
When sailing we constantly need to check our direction, make small adjustments to the tiller and anticipate wind and direction changes if we are not to end up ensnarled in the reeds etc. We do this by lining up the mast with a static point on shore against which we can see if we are being drawn right or left. (Unlike a car a sailing boat will not simply follow the course of the tiller other forces are also at work.) Life is like that too. While we set a general course, we need often to check if “winds” or “currents” are slowly leading us off course. Jesus is our reference point firmly “on shore”.
So today I want to stop, get quiet, get my bearings, and listen to the whispers, to write. Sometimes we just need one on one.