” I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year. “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.” He replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way. (Minnie Louise Haskins.)
It mades no sense but I couldn’t seem to shake my apprehension about this year. There’s no logical reason, it wasn’t due to Trump, Korea, Brexit etc. those kind of things are always around. It was the actual date 2018, something about the numbers . I kept telling myself it was stupid, but nothing worked till I came accross this quote. Then I remembered, it doesn’t matter what may be ahead as long as my hand is firmly in His.
It’s sometimes hard to tell the difference between tiredness and lethargy as one gets older. This has been a main focus of my New Year deliberations.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the difference lies in being decisive, having definite goals throughout each day, not just a vauge”to do list” seldom refered to. My energy is more limited than it used to be, but that is all the more reason to use it (and my remaining time) constructively – to plan rather than drift. It’s not really about doing more, rather about focusing when I’m doing. When you’re tired you tend to let your life drift following circumstance rather than being in control. It’s tough to explain. It’s like there’s a switch you turn on, a possitivity switch almost – you take control. It’s not that you were negative before, rather that you are drifting, but drifting leads to apathy and apathy to discouragement and worse. It’s having a vision pursuing those dreams etc. regardless of how much energy you have to spend each day. I find not only my happiness, but my energy rises a when I’m focused. Hope that makes sense!
1)To stop each morning to jot down a plan for the day, including some neglected areas.
a) Doing something for my body and appearance. Unlike most women I hardly think about these things other than to stay clean and tidy. As my body gets older it needs more care and thinking what to wear (I’m 99% in the same rotated jeans and T shirts).
b) Doing something for my flat, though always clean and tidy, housework is not a favourite of mine so I tend to do the minimum. How inspiring to see the cupboards tidy and organised etc. (I just might find some long lost items lol!)
c) Actually plan what I’m going to eat. Like with the clothes, I eat the same old things to save having to think about it. This goes hand in hand with my next item.
2) I’m sick of being just slightly overweight. Yes, most folks are bigger at my age but that is no consolation when I look in the mirror and see my flabby chin or little waist doughnut. I lost weight during my move due to stress. It wasn’t a healthy weight loss so it went straight back on, but I remember looking in the mirror and seeing what a big difference it made. I want that – but healthily and planning meals is a part of that.
3) Having found a possible agent for my book I’m keen to plough through the suggested revisions and hopefully get it published. Along with that I want to finish the sequel. This last being the easiest resolution as I’m all fired up to do it.
Wishing you all a very happy New Year full of love, change, vision and your hearts desires!
The morning after Christmas dawns
The tree bedecked with lights adorns.
But loved ones scuttled to their homes
No more the joy and laugher roams.
Only photos mark the place
And filial love and fun replace.
And yet, if I’m to answer true
My head is pounding, and I rue
The ceasless round of food and drink
I’ve got too old for this I think.
Not too old for joy, and hugs,
Not too old for cuddle bugs.
Love each moment with my kids
And their offspring and their vid’s.
But at my age I need to pause
Rest, recuperate from chores
Listen to the still clear vioce
That makes the inner me rejioce.
I am so blessed in all you see
I think old age is suiting me.
I’m not generally a fan of Santas, not at all, but in this case…
I’d recently returned to London, from the far east, with my three youngest daughters. We’d been shocked to find the money we’d brought to rent a house and manage till I got a small business set up wasn’t enough. Not only had rents soared, but now they did credit ratings and required references from a UK landlord. My perfect bank records and glowing references from Asia counted for nothing. We were camped out in my eldest daughter’s living room, faced with a seeming impossibility.
Then “Santa” phoned. (I must explain this “Santa” was a Christian friend in children’s entertainments.) He’d heard we were back in London and asked if we’d found a house yet as his old landlord was looking for tenants. Things moved fast! In true Asian style, the landlord said no credit check etc. was needed, my friend’s recommendation was quite enough. Within a week we’d moved in and my poor son in law (who worked nights) got his kitchen-living room back.
However, it took almost all our money. Again “Santa” came through. He’d been given the running of Santa’s Grotto in a famous London mall and, knowing we were short of funds, offered us all Christmas jobs. My 17 year old became one of his fulltime elves and the rest of us worked at home wrapping Christmas presents for the grotto. He even passed face painting engagements my way to help kick start my business.
As an extra blessing, the 5 year old daughter of my eldest, (who had sacrificially put us up) got a lift to school from “Santa” (in full and glorious regalia) when on his way to work with his “elf”. She was the talk of the school by lunchtime lol!
So, God can even use “Santa” it seems.
My youngest daughter suffers dreadfully from insomnia. After a particularly difficult night last night, her five year old son realised mum had slept badly. Dragging herself out of bed she was confronted by her golden haired son in his reindeer onesie. Blue eyes gleaming he said, “ I found something nice for you.”
He proceeded to put on a Netflix video of a fireplace with Christmas music.
“Mummy, I want you to enjoy it,” he said.
This is all the more special as generally he’ll hog the TV (when dad’s not home) for his Wild Krats and Dino Train programs. I think we have a “Christmas angel”.
I love Christmas! Come enjoy my decorating. Think carols and mulled wine around! Take a glass and let’s toast the season!