Battles With Shyness.

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(From June 2014

Song Bird Songs

shyness

I’ve always been shy. As a child I hid behind my mother’s skirts, turned every shade of red when spoken to (still do sometimes.) I’ve heard the term “painfully shy” – that says it all. It was certainly painful at school with its loud mouthed bullies.

At adolescence I learnt to overcome it, learnt not to care what people thought, defiantly going the opposite direction with my outlandish clothes and escapades. I decided “to hell with trying to be like my peers, I’d let lose my creative side and claim supremacy!” (There was of course a great degree of arrogance in this!)

Abandoning the perceived restrictions of my environment I learnt to aim high, miraculously gaining a fine arts degree in a low class neighborhood where kids seldom attained the modest GCSE level. I discovered strangely that my shyness didn’t extend to public speaking (I could act any role). Even…

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What I do when I’m not writing.

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If you read carefully you’ll know that my original major was fine art sculpture (top marks anyone that got that one LOL!)

While sculpture tends to be a little hard to accommodate I still like to paint and sketch from time to time. Trees and plants being by far my favourite subjects.

The pictures above and below are the first two of a series I’m working on (very slowly as I tend to write a lot more often) for my apartment.

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The two sketches I did in China and happened to have on computer. I constantly gave my work away due to my travels and most of my friends in China have something from me as a remembrance.

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I still enjoy painting for recreation and am always trying to capture the beauty and primeval force of nature. Though never quite achieving what I want to communicate I find it relaxing and satisfying.

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Beginnings

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My first post on May 25th 2015.

Song Bird Songs

A new realm to explore – blogging!

Apprehension turns to fascination as slowly I begin to reconnoiter these new domains. No stranger to communication I’ve tended to avoid the world of technology in favour of living breathing humanity. Then exploring I realised the potential.

There are the images one sees every day on the street, or hanging from a strap in crowded commuter trains, but inside under the veneer hide creatures of infinite depths, each a universe in themselves.  Blogs, tapping those depths, reveal glimpses of the most fascinating of all domains the human entity, each in its own surrounding cosmos.

So who am I then?

I never fit well in any box but words may help – idealist, artist, writer, traveler, radical Christian, teacher, mother, volunteer, counselor and perpetual student of life. I am at my happiest, absorbing, creating and communicating.

I’m at home in many worlds, many cultures…

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31 day challenge day 23

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Your dream job?

Now I’m older to be a writer and artist. Well actually that’s exactly what I’m doing now (another dream semi fulfilled). You see I’m retired so I don’t need to worry about the selling or publishing side so much, but then it doesn’t necessarily qualify as a job? (It’s more than a hobby). I’ve actually been self employed for many years so maybe this stage is just a work in progress. It would be nice to sell and publish, (not to become rich or famous I’d hate that), but I’d feel good knowing others enjoyed my creativity.

31 day blog challenge day 19

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What do you collect?

Apart from books by my favourite authors, (which doesn’t really count) the only things I collect are items I think my grandson may use for one of his many “projects” cardboard boxes (from match boxes to parcel size), ribbon, and those odd items (washers, plastic bottles, pine cones etc.) that may fire up a 9 year old’s imagination.

I’ve moved often in my life usually from one country to another taking only what we could carry so the idea of collecting for its own sake never took root. I’m a very practical soul. I do enjoy very much looking at other folks collections though! Facinating!

31 days challenge day 6

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Your 5 Senses Right Now.

Hmmm… this one can be looked at two ways? Does it mean what are my senses perceiving right now or how well are they functioning right now?

1) Taking the latter first, my most used (over used) sense is sight. I was born with excellent eye sight but now need glasses some of the time. Being an artist (at least part time) all my life my eyes are my most “feel good” sense. I love to “just look” particularly at nature I feast on it as a gourmet might feast on a meal.

Right now they are constantly straying from the keyboard to the window because the first snow has just fallen.

2) Probably my next favourite (or most used) is touch. I studied sculpture so my sense of touch is highly developed. I love to touch things (and people ha! Hugs, kisses, back rubs etc.)

At present I’m still feeling the fresh sensation of a shower and the softness of the mango and coconut butter in my home made body butter. The lap top keys are smooth and clean, the temperature warm and cosy. In my little central heated apartment I can enjoy snow in comfort!

3) Very important but not particularly developed (and now losing some of its former reliability with age) is hearing. It’s served me well while being somewhat neglected, preventing many an accident and allowing me to enjoy the sweet sounds of nature, music and the communications of others.

Right now all is silent except for the slight hum of the radiator trying to keep pace with the drop in temperature outside.

4) What next? Smell. Though I’ve given it little attention I’ve always had a good sense of smell. I often use it as my “private detective,” assessing, teeth brushed, hands washed etc. I do have a few favourite smells I’ll wallow in, fresh bread cooking, earth, a forest, oddly horse stables, but I cannot stand the smell of coffee! Lol!

What can I smell now? Oddly nothing. I guess I’m so familiar with my room’s smells I can’t discern anything.

5) Last (because I’m probably the furthest from a “foodie” you could imagine) comes taste. This as you may guess is a rather underdeveloped sense for me. I do have a few favourites that  make me appreciate this sense though, chocolate, strong, dark, without milk and very little sugar (I often make my own), roast meat, (why I’m not a vegan) fresh fruit yum! Yum!

Presently my mouth is empty so no tastes to report.

31 day challenge day 2

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20 facts about myself. (Seems I’m off to a late start so will post days 2&3 today – been sneaking a look at fellow challengers!)

  • I learnt to read almost 1,000 characters in Chinese (very interesting!)
  • I make my own natural skin creams – they’re so much better and cheaper too.
  • I love water of all kinds, rivers, lakes, sea, streams, the sound, look and smell.
  • I hate wearing shoes and as a child drove my mom crazy always taking them off.
  • I have an hons. degree in sculpture but worked most of my life as an English teacher.
  • I like to eat healthy but my weakness is chocolate (my secret addiction).
  • I love Italy and speak passable Italian due to an early romance with an incredible Italian boy.
  • I’ve always loved to make things, anything from clothes to furniture.
  • I don’t like cooking and managed to avoid it for a long time (my 2nd husband was an ex cook.)
  • I must be half man as I really don’t like shopping either.
  • Altogether I have 7 grown up children (from two different marriages) who I love to pieces and am incredibly proud of.
  • I’m a quarter gypsy, quarter landed gentry, and half teachers and shop keepers by blood.
  • I’ve witnessed many unexplainable miracles.
  • Another unusual dislike, TV! (Haven’t really watched it for around 50 years – living is much more fun!)
  • All the cells I’ve lost with age tend to be in the memory department (now what was I saying?).
  • I enjoy a good laugh at myself (which is just as well lol!)
  • I love space and light, can’t handle dark, small spaces.
  • I hate lying or deceit in any form (this includes advertising, politics, and hypocrites).
  • I’m a bookworm but one with “special needs”, classics, historical fiction, and non-fiction only please.
  • I’m a lucid dreamer and get a lot of stories that way.

About Song Bird

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song bird

As some of you have discovered I started a second blog just before Christmas (thanks for visiting, so nice to have you drop by!)

Love to readlovetowrite’s main purpose was to share and improve my writing skills (whilst enjoying those of others) with a view to eventually becoming a published author, but I found my longing to express my faith and wonder at God’s love and creation pulled in a different direction. I wanted to “sing my joy” but was concerned not to overwhelm any of my less God orientated counterparts.
“Song Bird” was my solution where I can enjoy sharing my faith and awe without compromising my writing goals. (The two do overlap of course.)

Many years ago, for my fine art degree exhibition, I made a piece of environmental sculpture. The walls were masked by cheese cloth and all the pieces modeled in white. Colours came from a “game board” between two central figures (male and female). It constantly changed hues and cast complementary shadows as it rotated a commentary on life and its changing aspects.

Though there were no seats it became a popular place for folks to sit, chill, even eat. They felt at peace there pondering the splendor of the fluctuating colours.
I hope Song Bird can become such a place were folks can relax and take in the beauties of life in all its aspects and fly with me among the blessings of God.

My thanks for the help and support many of you have given me over my time exploring the strange new world of blogging, it’s been great hearing from you and enjoying your posts and comments. You’ve made the big learning curve needed for someone as “IT challenged” as me so much easier to negotiate!