Needlessly hard?

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I recently spent hours in A and E with my granddaughter, her third bout of severe chest pains in two weeks. Even the consultant couldn’t find the cause, though they were able, from numerous tests, to rule out many things. Only strong analgesics are able to stop the pain, leaving her unable to have a clear head for her A levels (she missed one altogether the morning I was with her). Doubtless stress is adding greatly to her condition.
I felt dis-empowered. All I could give in the way of comfort were empty platitudes. You see, riding the tide of being an outstanding, straight A student, she has embraced extreme and antagonistic atheism. She now feels “religion” is for the ignorant and gives her little brother a hard time about his simple faith.
I’ve been blessed with so many infallible proofs that faith comes naturally to me, but I can still remember the dreadful pressure of purely self-reliance before I came to know God. My greatest joy at salvation was the realisation that there was a power beyond me and it was loving, benevolent. I knew my own inadequacy and that of my fellow humans. Minus God we were without hope.
She looked to the doctors to “fix” her and grew angry at them when they couldn’t help. But doctors are not God, just sincere human beings, overworked, and often sick or in pain themselves (the consultant shared how he himself suffered severe back pain and just had to “grin and bear it” so he could tend to others, encouraging her to go ahead with the A levels regardless.)
Normally I’d offer prayer, phone others to pray for her, remind that God was in control and would take care of the A levels, but I could do none of these. I prayed silently for her but it was hard to have faith for a miracle as I had the feeling that God may believe the lesson to be more important than instant healing. I know He loves her and is working in her life, that He will take care of everything long-term, but it’s hard to see her suffer like this knowing comfort and help are so close by.
My youngest daughter expressed a while back that even if God were not real she’d rather go through life believing He was because of the comfort it brings – the de-stressing element. I know what she means. Not everyone has been blessed with seeing all the miracles we have but my heart aches for the true atheist, all alone with nothing but his flawed fellow man to fall back on, shouldering the horrors of this world knowing in his heart he is powerless to stop the hate, the suffering, even in his own life. Our choices can change a great deal but they can’t bring back the dead, heal a child, deal with all the hate and greed. Man tries to be his own God, he endeavours, often sincerely, to help his fellow man, but the honest heart knows how far we fall short – life has a way of teaching us, at that point, without a force beyond ourselves, how empty and hopeless the void.

life is good!

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I’ve come downstairs the last two days not to the sickly smell that it seemed I could never quite get rid of (we seemed to be taking it in turns to be sick over the last month) but to the glorious smell of the lilies in my mother’s day bouquet. They were beautiful from the beginning but now they fragrance the whole apartment. The sun has been shining and spring is promising it’s arrival. My hyacinth (another mother’s day gift) has doubled in size promising future fragrance. Such encouraging pressies for the tail end of winter!
Not only that but my daughter (who’s been staying with me since returning to the UK) has just found a cute little place just around the corner for her and her son and hopes to move in right after Easter. You can see why I’m smiling!

It feels so good when it stops.

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Yes, in spite of my former up beat post, instead of a quick knock out punch this flu went several rounds lasting a whole week and leaving behind an annoying urinary tract infection as a departing gift.
Ugh! You think too much information. I agree, very hard on the pride (not the kind of thing you want to mention). It’s also quite restricting I discovered (always needing to be within 2 mins. of a bathroom makes life challenging.)But now it’s finally beaten life is sweet. I have a whole bunch of stuff I’m so thankful for that I never appreciated before, not least being able to get a wonderful refreshing night’s sleep ah! Life is good!

In sickness and in health.

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Thankfully I’m very seldom sick and then not for long. I’d been home with both my grandsons having bouts of flu one after the other, but my daughter and littlest grandson being away to visit daddy in Germany I was planing lots of busyness to “catch up”.
Then yesterday I woke up with a headache, sore throat and a runny nose trying to take over. I realized my plans needed to change.Stocking up on extra fruit etc. after my school cycle run, I headed for bed with huge volume of Dickens ( a Christmas gift I’d yet to indulge in)and my current favourite sickness remedial audios (Andrew Wommack’s “Christian Survival Kit”).
Whiling away the day till school pick up reading, listening and dozing I realized I was actually enjoying it immensely. I wasn’t sick, sick, just co operating with my body so it could fight better, my main symptom was extreme tiredness (my body monopolizing energy to fight the infection). In fact I realized this was something my mind and spirit really needed – chill time! I had a great day. Writing in my journal last night I thought just how crazy that was. I guess “in everything give thanks” came alive!

A Strange Physician.

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(from September 2014)

Song Bird Songs

oak tree

Leaves rustled in the early morning breeze, the trees seemed to quiver at her approach as if in sympathy. She had to go, come to her special place, the place she felt the comfort of eons.
Sitting beneath the old oak that had sheltered her as a child she let go, face in hands, sobs rending the silent stillness. When she could no longer hold on to her smile, when she felt the pressure build to an unbearable pitch she came here.
John was slowly wasting away and there was nothing they could do to stop it. His giant frame that had once carried her across the threshold was now worn and shriveled like a deceased nut in its skeletal shell, skin stretched over bone in lurid relief, a travesty of her man.

She had to smile for him, had to go on loving till her heart tore in tiny…

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A rabbit prolongs my life. (a true story)

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(from July 2014)

Song Bird Songs

pupand rab

The Burmese doctor looked hesitant. They all knew, despite medication, she was slowly slipping away.
“She sees the spirit world and wants to go.” He whispered. “You need to rekindle her interest in this world somehow.” He glanced at the mother for reassurance. This was not something he usually told his English patients, but she understood. They looked down at the pale five year old, her lungs ravaged by double pneumonia, breathing barely audible as she slipped peacefully back into sleep.
“We could hospitalize her…” the doctor ventured. They knew it wouldn’t help any more than the medicine had.
“No!” the father exclaimed fiercely, “she stays here with us…”
The voices sounded distant to childlike ears, like the whisper of a dream. Around her the light glowed as she drew closer to the music that called her, soothing and peaceful. She felt at home here in this place. She was…

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It’s all in how I look at it.

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spring outside

I’m battling frustration this weekend. Spring is coming with the warmest days yet (wonderful for early March!) Daffodils are blooming here and there and there’s an abundance of snow drops, primrose and tiny new buds. The lakes are calling, the sun is calling and I’m fettered inside.

The fun weekend I’d planned with my grandson, while his mum and step dad are away, came tumbling down on Thursday evening when it became clear he was coming down with flu. The usually effective doses of water, fruit and prayer, while ensuring a mild case, didn’t take it away completely.

So, here we are, the third day of him laying on my couch watching DVDs and occasionally playing I pad when his eyes are not sore. Thankfully he’s not suffering too much and is a cheerful little soul. Being nine now I can also nip quickly to the shops round the corner and pick up fruit and whatever he can manage to eat (he has a very sore throat poor thing). But… he does get lonesome and bored sometimes so I’ve spent hours  cuddled up watching movies with him. Now I do enjoy the odd movie now and then but I think my eyes are turning square and the sun outside is so very beckoning.

Still, I have one comfort. I too felt flu coming on when I woke Friday morning, but thank God the prayers worked for me and I’ve been fine and healthy (just a little more tired as my body builds up its immunity). When I look longingly out of the window I remind myself at least I’m not stuck on the couch!

Mind battles

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spiritual_warfare_sword

Today I had a battle, but not the normal kind
This battle was with sickness in the corners of my mind.
It blasted with a headache; it ripped me in the gut.
It wondered was I ready to blithely “give it up?”

I knew where this was leading; you give that thing an inch
T’will grasp you round the throat in a wretched wrestler’s clinch.
I buckled on my armour and grasped my heavy sword,
And sent an urgent message to him o’er all is Lord.

To deal with this intruder you must not let him in
Even with his snide reply, “Well sickness gets you thin!”
You cannot give an inch to him, let doubt fly through the door,
For if you’re sick a little bit t’will quickly turn to more.

I summoned up my courage (it is the easy way).
With verse in hand, I hit him back. It always pays to pray.
And now I’m feeling better (though still a mite beset.)
The sickness isn’t mortal. I’ll get him back you bet!